Dads Jokes are the best! You know you've truly nailed a dad joke when your the only one rolling on the floor laughing 🤣 and sometimes if you're lucky, you might get a pity laugh from someone in the audience.
Some dads are naturally 'gifted' when it comes to dad jokes, but if you need a bit of help getting a laugh or two from the kids, you've come to the right place.
- Why did the golfer get a new pair of pants? Because he got a hole in one
- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent 🙊
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it
- I don't often tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs
- What's a karate kids favourite drink? Waataaaaaaa!
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-guy
Kid: "Im hungry" Dad: "Hi hungry, I'm dad"
- Why did the Ram run off the cliff? 🐏 It didn't see the ewe turn
- What happens when you take a watch on a plane? Time flies!
- Why didn’t the toilet roll cross the road? Because he got stuck in the crack
- Our family could never get tyred of Dad jokes. He says they’re wheelie good
- How long is a piece of string? Twice as long as half of it!
- “My wife was sick of my lack of direction. We always fought about it. So I packed up my bags and right"
- What do you get when you make humorous soup? Laughing stock
What do you call a chicken with salad in his eyes? Chicken Cesar Salad 🐓 🥗
- What did the platypus say when he bought some lipstick? Put it on my bill
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick
- What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador 🐶
- How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure ones a match 🔥
- What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk 🙈
- Kid: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" Dad: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!" 🥪
- The batteries are flat. No, they’re round
- Knock Knock Who's there? Harold! Harold who? Harold do you think I am?
Kid: spills pea from plate. Dad says: did you just pee on the floor?
- What did the crocodile wear to the beach? Crocs 🐊
- Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!" 🥛
- Why couldn't the bike stand on its own? Because it was two tyred 🚲
- Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? It’s tearable
- "Are you saving that for Ron?! Later on... get it
- As we drive past a cemetery, my dad always says "That's the dead center of town"
- I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said, "Try Sarah Topps"
A father is walking his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. The priest begins the ceremony and comes to the part where he says "who gives this woman away" The father pipes up and says "I do and I want a receipt"
- "Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!!"
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it 🔨
- Kid : "Dad, I feel like an ice cream." Dad: "That’s funny... you don’t look like an ice cream"
- When does a sandwich cook? When it’s bakin’ lettuce and tomato! 🥓🥬🍅
- I named my horse mayo.... mayo neighs
- Did you hear about a guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months
Why are there barcodes printed on the sides of Norway's Navy ships? So when they come in to port the can Scandinavian 🚢
- Why don’t pirates travel on mountain roads? Scurvy
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye deer
- What concert cost 45 cents to go to? 50 cent featuring Nickleback
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows
- Dad can you put my shoes on? No I don’t think they will fit me 👟
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin
- Kid: "Ill call you later" Dad: "Don't call me later, call me Dad"